Author Archives: Gel

Dear Diary, I think we have to stop meeting like this…it’s 3:10 am the day after Mother’s Day. I keep saying I’m exhausted but I truly am. The highlights since I last posted… I went back to work. I’m covering a maternity leave for the rest of the year…it’s not supporting a Chief like I’mContinue reading “Chapter 48”

Dear Diary, Surprise surprise it’s 4 am again and look who’s awake and blogging! This is the 2nd time this week (it’s Thursday morning) that I’m up at 4 am. One day I’ll get this normal sleep schedule down. After some reflection I realized that we as humans take what we read and try toContinue reading “Chapter 47”

Dear Diary, I have received an overwhelming response from my last post. I’m grateful for the outpouring of support. I want to make it very clear that I have no intention of committing suicide. This is more of a failure to thrive situation rather than be wanting to cause harm to myself. I’m not planningContinue reading “Chapter 46.5”

Dear Diary, It’s 4 am and I’m wide awake. Why? Why the hell am I awake again?! I’m literally so fucking tired. I’m tired of not sleeping like a normal person. I’m tired from life. Hell I’m tired of life. I’m tired from the constant anxiety. I’m tired of trying to get my shit together.Continue reading “Chapter 46”

Dear Diary, The 1st post of the year and the 1st in awhile. I took some time to read my older posts and all I can say is wow…the first few were so cathartic and the more recent ones were more or less the same thing. But honestly that’s how my life has been…more orContinue reading “Chapter 45”

Dear Diary, It’s been a few months and things have been much of the same but very different. I don’t know if that makes sense but it does to me… I’m still going through it mentally and emotionally. I think for me my anxiety & depression are hitting harder than usual. I stopped taking antidepressantsContinue reading “Chapter 44”

Dear Diary, 2 years ago I went to battle and successfully beat breast cancer. It hasn’t always been easy, quite frankly this has been the hardest 2 years of my life…I’ve had 3 major surgeries in 3 years when I thought it would be 1 and done. I didn’t know I would be 39 andContinue reading “2 Years Cancer Free”

Dear Diary, Where do we begin? It’s been so long… I guess we can start with one of the whoppers…Jimmy was laid off. I’m over here on disability and he was laid off…it’s all fine but holy shit was roooough. We’re both in the market for new jobs so if you know anyone looking forContinue reading “Chapter 43”

Dear Diary, Well we did it! It’s Mother’s Day and I’m feeling all the feels. We have officially ended any and all possibilities for me to have a biological child of my own. I got a hysterectomy & salpingo-oophorectomy on the Tuesday before Mother’s Day. As I said previously it all happened so incredibly fast.Continue reading “Mother’s Day 2023”

Dear Diary, So I had my consult with gyn onc today and tomorrow we are doing a hysterectomy and taking my ovaries and fallopian tubes. We’re just gonna shut down the baby factory completely. This is all happening super quickly but after reviewing the path report and factoring in my history this is the rightContinue reading “Chapter 42”