Hello hello…Welcome to my little blog. If you haven’t figured out the word play yet my name is Gel Sue and I’m Filipino…Suso means boobs in Tagalog and my Korean husband has been lovingly called Suso since the 7th grade by his best friends…This gave me the perfect pun since I started my blog to share about my breast life.
This is the updated version of my 90’s diary, the one with a super easy lock to pick, the one that I wrote in every night when I was supposed to be asleep, the one that I thought I would end up dying from as a result of my parents reading it. As a tween I wrote about my feelings, random thoughts, hopes and dreams. I wrote about my daily tragedies (ugh I wish those were still my problems…why doesn’t Jonathan from karate like me back? Mickey cut my hair and our 7th grade teacher only made him apologize because he couldn’t tell where my hair was cut…sucks for Mickey though because as of the early 2000’s he still had a bald spot from when I took my revenge and cut his hair too) and of course I wrote about life’s victories…my first pair of high heels. Nine West, black, square toe, block 2.5 inch heel with an ankle strap. I loved them and was so proud to own them. Those babies began my obsession with high heels…check my shoe closet, you’ll find dozens upon dozens of Jimmy Choo and Louboutin heels that are BEAUTIFUL!!! Some hurt like a bitch but that’s a story for another day.
That diary was my little slice of heaven, it was my safe space to be raw and unfiltered…so here it is…my new safe space for my verbal diarrhea, random thoughts and next phase of my life. This isn’t my professional work voice, (I would probably cry if my boss, coworkers and stakeholders knew just how unprofessional I really am) this is me when I’m sitting on a couch with you talking face to face. I’m not bothering with proper format, (sorry this isn’t going to be MLA format with properly cited sources) and I won’t be bothering to filter my grammar although I’m usually grammatically correct anyway, nor will I bother bleeping out the cuss words (minus one…I don’t say the N word it so definitely I won’t write out) because, let’s be real here…have you heard the shit that comes from my actual mouth? By the time anyone reads this I’ll be and 37 my parents still give me shit for for the things I say because sometimes it is offensive and slightly inappropriate, but I don’t give a fuck. I would not be the least bit surprised if I had a child and it’s first word was fuck or shit. Shit is one my favorite words, it’s so versatile. Lastly this is probably gonna be a clusterfuck of tangents, so you’ll need to learn how to follow along or just skip to the parts you’re interested in (if you’re even interested). I honestly don’t know if anyone will even want to read this but again, this is something I’m doing for myself.
The biggest difference between now and then aside from the damn near quarter century gap is that now I’m more than willing to share this with the world…the good, the bad, the ugly. I’m in for a journey so buckle up and be ready to laugh, to cry, get mad, wanna throw up or even judge me and say, “it happened to her because she’s a bitch”. I want you to feel whatever emotion this evokes in you….if you’re squeamish or uncomfortable reading about blood, periods, hormones, or any bodily functions, and secretions you’re really gonna have to skim because this is the one and only disclaimer you’re gonna get….I will be talking about all that and at times it might get graphic.
Lastly another reason to share this is because so many blogs I read are carefully curated content by white girls who have become influencers. More power to them! I support them like boobs in double sports bras. I’m glad that works for them and I’m happy they have they have carved that path for themselves….I am not looking to turn this into a revenue stream, I’m not looking to give off a certain vibe. I like my current career and I don’t plan to turn this into my new career as an influencer/activist. I WILL absolutely advocate for early detection and be a resource to those facing this.
I’m a woman of color who was hoping to find another person of color’s perspective. ( I wasn’t able to find that but if you come across that blog I wanna read it too.) I hope that this is that resource for someone like me…Growing up as a Filipino American I was taught to keep things private and not to rock the boat. Keep my head down and it will all be ok. Things like this are considered somewhat shameful. Fuck that…they’re just boobs! All of the shit I’m dealing with is real life…for a culture with such high regard for medical careers you would think it’s acceptable to talk about boobs and fertility issues openly. If me talking about this helps someone else that’s amazing, if it doesn’t that’s ok too.
I am proud of my heritage, I’m proud that I was raised in 2 cultures. This gives me a very different view of the world and my experiences are not the same as another person with my diagnosis. My perspective is what you’ll read. I hope that this all translates well because my posts won’t be edited and re-read until they’re perfect I’m hoping that I’m able to do this real time and have no regrets….I am a hot fucking mess and I know this.
Before you start digging in I wanted to thank you. Thank you for being willing to get inside my head and for joining me as I write the next chapters of my life…
Gel's Sueso 