Dear Diary,
As exhausting as my job is I love it. I love what I do. I get to travel to multiple times a year. I get to continue planning events. I have the opportunity to work on meaningful projects that have high impact on my whole company. Literally everyone knows me or of me. I have spoken to every employee, contractor and intern. I have 3 execs who know I kick ass and appreciate the work that I do. I recently got a raise, a bonus, and even gifts out of their own pockets because they appreciate me. They see the value I bring. Maybe they don’t fully understand it or appreciate the role but me as an employee I’m valued.
Back when I was first diagnosed with cancer my bosses were EXTREMELY supportive, they said the right words of comfort, they understood that I needed time for appointments, follow ups, and encouraged me to make time for myself. I will always be grateful for that type of support. I have said it many times, there is absolutely no way I could have gone through this with a different company and executives.
At the time we were in uncharted water, apparently nobody had ever been diagnosed with a life threatening or chronic disease when they didn’t have enough pto. I was told that we would figure something out so I wasn’t worried about my finances. I asked can I just borrow pto or could I just be paid out for a couple weeks during the disability waiting period? The response I heard back was we’ll see what we can do….now here we are…I went unpaid for a month. It wasn’t easy but we managed…that was strike one. How are you going to tell me we’ll figure it out but that really means sorry kid YOU figure it out. A couple months ago there was an incident and I spoke up. I stood up for what was right and defended something that was being unnecessarily being shit on. I called out one of our company pillars is accountability and we weren’t taking responsibility for our shortcomings…that was strike two. Finally the straw that broke the camel’s back was news that my reporting structure is changing. Officially I report to one C level exec and support two others. Now I’m supposed to report to a non-executive but oh no it’s not a demotion so don’t think that way. I’m sorry what?! What the fuck are you talking about?! My title is literally EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT!!! I’m supposed to assist executives. This person isn’t even a fucking director and on top of that I can’t stand this person’s ass half the time. I was absolutely blindsided by this. This news was delivered to me like it was a complete afterthought. At the end our 1:1 my boss dropped it on me and began the sentence with, “oh by the way”. I thought he was gonna ask me to add another task to my list; not blow up the entire career path I’ve worked my ass off for over the last 12 years! I have a nuanced job and not everyone gets it or even values it so if you don’t realize what happened it’s basically saying I’m an NBA All Star like Steph Curry one day and then next I’m not even on the bench for the D league. I was basically booted from professional basketball all together. If sports aren’t your thing I went from being authentic Christian Louboutins to fake fuckin SJ Flea Market red bottoms.
My boss knew I wasn’t ok with this and asked why I was so upset. I said this was honestly harder to hear than I had cancer. With cancer I knew there was a possibility it would be there, I had a strong family history, I did all the testing, I was able to truly brace myself. This news though…I was 100% blindsided and it was a decision not a conversation. This was the first I have heard of this and it was said so casually like there was no expectation of me getting upset.
Once you lose my respect you will never get it back. I’m the kind of person who likes you until I don’t and when I don’t like you I never will. So here we are…one of the best damn employees is one foot out the door all because we can’t compromise and more importantly practice what we preach.
I heard this on Monday and it’s now Thursday. I’ve had time to think about this, talk to my colleagues and just try to figure out a way to make myself happy. I offered solutions and tried to negotiate for a win win but the decision is a done deal and I’m supposed to just be a good little girl and be ok with it. On Monday my first reaction was fuck this, take my laptop, I’m out. On Tuesday it was ok let me think of solutions I can be at peace with. Just ask to move to another team officially since it’s all because it’s only happening on paper and nothing is changing. Yesterday we had another conversation that was not going well and by a miracle we were interrupted because I almost quit on the spot and it wouldn’t have just be a thank you for the opportunity, here’s my resignation….nope ESSJ was about to come out and we all know once that bitch is out she’s not going away. Today I’ve come to the realization that this is happening and none of the solutions I’ve come up with are even being entertained…so fine I’ll play the fucking game but we know the saying…play stupid games, win stupid prizes. It’s been 4 days and I’ve already done 4 phone screens with internal recruiters and 3 agencies. I have more tomorrow. I’m hoping I can find another job before the end of June. Ya’ll are talking about the devil works hard but Kris Jenner works harder…an angry & motivated brown girl puts Kris Jenner’s work ethic to shame. I’ve given blood, sweat, tears, time from my family, my mental health, my physical health and haven’t completely healed from my surgeries…I’ve given this job everything and this is the thanks I get? Ok cool…try me and find out what happens…G
Gel's Sueso 