Chapter 7

Dear Diary,

Wow! My heart and proverbial cup (of chaser without alcohol) are overflowing and I’m overwhelmed with the amount of support I’ve received. I literally have not gotten out of bed yet and the outpouring of love this early is just wow! The calls, messages on social media, the texts…I am so grateful for it all. I will look back and draw upon all of this during the hard days. So many people have said they know I got this, they know if anyone can beat cancer it’s me…I know that sometimes people say things to be supportive but aren’t quite sure if they truly believe it though. Not to be boastful but they’re all right! It is me! I will be me…I did it once with my cervix and I’ll do it again with my boobs. I am so thankful my encounters with cancer have been easy gynecological ones and not ones that aren’t as easily fixed as cut it out and move on.

This morning I received a text from one of Aunties. I planned to tell her myself prior to making my blog public but I never had a chance to. While I was texting her back I came to a revelation…this cancer is intentional. God knows my plan, He created it specifically for me. This may be because He wanted me to use my voice to advocate for those who aren’t able to do it for themselves, not everyone has my take no shit mentality. Not everyone is willing to look their doctor dead ass in the eye and say, “Bruh gimme the ultrasound. I have a personal history with cancer and a family history of breast cancer.” Maybe He wanted me to have to do fertility treatment because He knew having a child spontaneously would result in even greater harm and aggravate this cancer. Maybe He gave me such a regular period so I would know something wasn’t right with my body. Maybe this, maybe that…I don’t know and it doesn’t really matter the why. The point is I know that one day when I meet Him the plan will be revealed.

Every relationship needs trust. I have been raised Catholic, went to Catholic school and have the photos of me in my little plaid uniforms as proof. 5 year old me in my MHT jumper with matching bow, 12 year old me in my St Cyp skirt rolled at the top to make it shorter…I trust that Jesus will lead me where I need to go. I haven’t always been the best Catholic; I don’t consistently go to Mass, I don’t always pray and I definitely didn’t follow all the rules I was supposed to regarding premarital sex. Sorry not really sorry. My heart has always been pure and always open to the Lord. I have never said I don’t believe in Him or His teachings. Have I questioned some of the things I have learned? Sure but I question and challenge everything. Why would I be given free will if I wasn’t intended to use it? I know I’m in good hands. I trust that it will all be ok.

To my family and friends who are keeping me in your prayers. Thank you! Lord only knows how much I appreciate and need them. I have a prayer Army and because let’s be real…I’m Filipino so it’s really a prayer Navy. I have my own personal village of doctors, nurses and pharmacists at my fingertips. I don’t need to Google my medical questions to help me when I have a gaggle of medical professionals. I don’t need Google to help me through anything because I have God. Now let me take a second to share my appreciation for Google…without my time working there I would never have purchased my home and without my vested stocks it wouldn’t have been financially possible to preserve my nerves. So I am grateful for my past with them.

The goal for today is to enjoy the beautiful day with the 2 boys I love most…Jimchi. I’m not sure what we’re doing today but I know it will be spent being grateful…have a blessed and beautiful day…maybe I’ll add more later, maybe I won’t but either way I hope you take a moment of gratitude for yourself…G