This weekend was packed! I feel like I definitely over exerted myself. I’ve been super tired lately and I think the brain fatigue is kicking in. But I don’t regret it all. I’m trying to pack in as much time with our friends before I’m back in my personal lockdown. I realized that in addition to missing out on family events I’m missing 2 more friend trips…Turks and Caicos in August and Oahu again in September. I’m not worried though…we’re planning for Cancun in January and I should be all good by then. Hot girl summer will be me in my Eames chair binging on whatever crime series I haven’t gone through in awhile. I’m a sucker for a crime series…true or fictional.
Pre-COVID we would see the crew practically every weekend. I feel like we still do something together almost every weekend but it hasn’t been the same as with everyone. I love our little circle of 10 but I missed seeing the extended group. Hanging out at a brewery today was so nice! Tbh I felt like absolute shit but I truly enjoyed myself because we were together. One of the best parts of today was my cancer was not the topic of conversation. One of my friends mentioned that she started reading my blog and it was really nice to have one simple interaction about it. If anyone would understand my desire to write it’s her. Everyone keeps telling me that writing is therapeutic, it is. I’m finding myself lighter as I unpack my brain and put it in writing. But also I feel like because I keep repeating myself the story diminishes value every time and it just becomes words. I don’t want the people I love and care for and the ones who love and card for me to feel like I’m being disingenuous.
I called my mom’s 3 brothers all in the same night to tell them my news prior to making my blog public. My uncles have literally been with me throughout my life, I was the baby who kept them awake with my crying as an infant and toddler, I was the kid who snitched when they had house parties and I was the niece who grew up and became their kid’s babysitter. I love my uncles. They have all become surrogate dads and I call them whenever I have questions about random things that need fixing. I called the youngest one first and he was so excited thinking I was gonna tell him I’m finally pregnant and having my own kid. Well let’s just say he was taken aback but asked the same questions I did when I was wading through it all. Then I called the oldest one and he is very stoic, always has been and of course he worried too. He was encouraging and reassuring, although I could see he was shocked he maintained his composure. Now the middle one…he and I have a different relationship than his older and younger brothers. He’s the only one without a daughter of his own thus I have always been like his surrogate daughter. I’ve seen a side to him that many people haven’t. He’s an OG with a soft spot for his family. He was the most upset with my news and I know it hit him really hard. When I said the same story the 3rd time in a 3 hour timespan I was rushing the story and not letting them have a chance to absorb. They just had to catch up with me and process later. That wasn’t fair to them and it’s not fair to you my readers. All of this takes time to digest. Not everyone is on my same timeline and that’s ok. I’ve also accepted all of this before I shared with anyone.
Although this journey is my own, I have a network of support who want to join me and help me along the way. I need to remember to slow down and remember that not everyone is just going to power through it and just get it done. I need to understand that while I’m the one experiencing all of these things there are people who want to do everything they can to make sure I’m ok. I don’t say this to sound like an ungrateful bitch but I’m ok. I’m truly ok and I know it will work out the way it needs to.
I appreciate all of the words of encouragement and prayers being offered for me. I am beyond grateful for the family and friends who are doing their best to help and keep us in their prayers. I say it every day, I’m grateful and blessed…G
Gel's Sueso 